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Popo Von Hanneybaum applied the gloss to a nail-biting Pacer victory over the Crabs on a windswept Clapham Common.
The day began ten and a half hours earlier in Firefly, Balham’s premier nitespot, as several Pacers welcomed gaffer Nick’s fourth decade upon this cold and bitter planet.
Resplendent in inappropriate Hawaiian shirt, and ten pints of Landlord deep, Nick, 30, had seldom been better prepared for a relegation dogfight.
At his side were Pacer skipper and little bro, Alex, busy motivating himself by picking fights with Polish meatheads.
Meanwhile, on the dancefloor, centre-forward pairing Kevlar and Easter Island Leveridge were throwing shapes like they were going out of fashion.
Perfect Preparation.
The boys bounded bleary-eyed onto the boggy battleground, a bitter Baltic breeze, blustering and blowing, battered each and every bone.
Brrr.
The line-up was solid, Diego, after sprinting back to the changing rooms to recover his bike, lined up behind Nash and Kiwi Dave, with Spracks and Oli either side.
Popo, Nick, 30, and Alex formed the midfield, Easter Island Leveridge filling in until Good Ash read his email and made a detour to the correct ground!
Kevlar ploughed a lone furrow up front for the opening exchanges.
Pacers started brightly, dominating possession and creating several chances immediately.
Nick, 30, sent Kevlar away through the middle but the Crabby keeper rushed out and clawed his shot away superbly.
Good Ash tried his luck from distance but narrowly missed the target, while wide men Nick, 30, and Popo were having success on the flanks.
Ash then found his range and thundered a 25-yard drive against the post, the crabby keeper flailing sideways in the mud.
The rebound fell to the onrushing Nick, 30, who coolly scuffed his shot into the net via his shin, the ground, the back of the keeper’s head, and a fortunately-placed molehill.
0-1 Pacers
The domination continued but Pacers were unable to capitalise further, their best chance again falling to Nick, 30, after Kevlar laid one off to him inside the box, but again the keeper came to the Crabs’ rescue.
HT 0-1 Pacers
The second half started poorly, Pacers conceding possession before giving away two corners, the second resulting in an equaliser, albeit after a big shove on Diego in the buildup which was unseen by the ref.
1-1
Pacers found a rhythm after this and picked up the pace, Easter Island and Nick, 30, working well down the right, and Popo dominating the left to good effect.
At the back, Nashy and the boys were keeping the Crabs’ sporadic attacks at bay.
The chances came again, despite the Crabs formation changes which saw an improvement in their defence, and the Pacer midfield took the game by its scruff.
Nick, 30, found the bottom corner from 30 yards, unfortunately it was in an empty goal on the adjoining pitch, shame.
Next up, Kevlar’s cross was handballed by a Crab and Easter Island Leveridge smashed in a low drive which the keeper saved well, the stopper beginning to be a thorn in the side despite his sideways goal-kicks.
Pacers then had a succession of corners and, from one, Easter Island thundered a header off the bar and over when he perhaps should have done better. As in, perhaps the holocaust was a little bit naughty, or perhaps the changing rooms at Clapham Common are a little bit shit. You get the picture.
The next corner fell to Kiwi Dave who nodded down right into the mixer for Kevlar to spin and spank a shot from six yards which hit the brave but closed-eyed crab keeper and went over, heroic stuff.
Still, the second goal was coming and so it did, good work by Ben, Martin, and Easter Island created space for a Kiwi Dave shot which hit a defender and squirmed out to Kevlar.
Eight yards out and it was a simple case of smashing it home, or it should have been had Kevlar not taken shooting tips from Nick, 30, and spaffed his shot into the ground.
This time, the prostrate Crab keeper was so bamboozled by this display of unorthodox shooting that he eagerly fingered Kevlar’s ball ever so slowly into his net.
1-2 Pacers.
More pressure followed, Kevlar missing a back-post header after good work from Nick, 30, down the right, before the Crabs went all in for an equaliser.
First up a long-range effort which was heading for the top corner was turned around the post by a nonchalant Diego, Pacer hearts were in mouths at the ‘Don’t worry, I’ll save it mañana’ demeanour!
Then, their centre-back boffed a speculative effort from the half-way line which dipped viciously at the last moment and would have beaten most keepers.
Diego, however, had eyes on it all the way and back-pedalled to tip superbly onto the bar and away to safety, this really was becoming a tale of two keepers.
The Crabs then forced two corners in the final minute, 21 men in the box attacking and scrambling the ball away, it was absolute mayhem.
When the ball made its way out of the area, it fortunately fell to the feet of Popo who opened up the hammys and sprinted the length of the pitch with a Crab nipping at his heels.
Several players sprinted in ‘support’, Easter Island shouting ‘SQUARE IT, SQUARE IT’ as he ambled towards the centre circle and beyond (he’s probably still going now!).
Popo was having none of it though and, as the defender was getting too close for comfort, calmly poked the decider into the net from the corner of the box.
1-3 Pacers and the full time whistle went immediately.
A very good performance, which could have been a goal-fest but for an excellent crabs keeper, moves the Pacers up the table with three wins and a draw from the last four games, excellent stuff from every Player.
Pacers’ well-deserved draw in the first game of the morning was consigned to the history books as Balham’s strong first half showing was enough to take the three points.
Multiple changes seemed to unsettle the Pacer back line, despite an heroic effort by Matt who was tumbling and flying into tackles from all angles.
He even picked up a booking for his troubles in what was possibly the latest tackle South Park has seen since that AIFC midfielder got reduced last season (Google it!).
Pacers found themselves one down early doors as Robert’s attempted clean-out of the onrushing striker failed, and he was left to pick out his mate for an easy finish.
The scores were levelled midway through the half as Good Ash used his long throw to maximum effect.
His Delap-style arrow was deadly straight and Kevlar just had to hustle his man out of the way and nod the scud missile into the back of the net.
With the scores level again the Pacers really needed a nice spell of control to take the sting out of the game and allow the new lineup to bed in.
What they got instead were two quick goals conceded, first from some casual passing out of the back which was punished by a fine cross and finish.
This was followed by a hopeful effort which Spracks could only spoon onto the bar and then the inside of the post and net like Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall handling a trout in Billingsgate Market.
HT 1-3
The second half was end to end and wide open, Popo putting in quite literally the most running a Pacer has ever done (and that includes Jordan’s half-marathon today).
He almost got his rewards too after a run from left back to the right side of the area before firing into the keeper’s arms under pressure.
DJ Matt decided to compete in the ground-covering stakes as well, and also kicked someone in the bagpipes to boot. Ouch!
Ultimately, the clock ran down and aching bodies trooped from the pitch with heads held high but still disappointed.
Looking back on the day, Balham are second in the league and about 20 points ahead of us and we matched them in every area for most of the day even with a weakened side.
Here’s looking forward to next week’s game where we can build on our excellent work ethic of late and hopefully get our just desserts.
Phil hung up his goalie gloves to snatch a late equaliser as the hard-working Pacers were denied by high-flying Balham.
Phil’s goal with, five minutes remaining, snatched a well-deserved draw in the first game of this double-header at South Park.
Pacers, with a recently unprecedented three substitutes, were able to field a versatile line-up for what was to become a painful morning for many!
The defence of Popo, Robert (the Polish Matthias Sammer), Kevlar and Spracks, in front of first-half keeper Phil were solid and untroubled in the first half during which some excellent football was played.
Pacers had shooting opportunities right from the off as Alex and Good Ash dominated the middle and Lewis led the line with his usual confidence.
Lewis fired a couple of long shots early in the piece, before the focus switched to the flanks and Evans and Albi also began to cause problems, the former whipping one across the face of goal only to be scrambled to safety.
With the scores locked at 0-0 at half time, you could be forgiven for thinking that Balham had forgotten to turn up, if it wasn’t for the constant haranguing of the referee from three or four of their number that is.
Pacers’ performance dropped somewhat in the early stages of the second half, but still Evans had a chance and after creating himself a yard of space he fired just over.
With Good Ash in goal for this half, his holding role was somewhat compromised and the Pacers defence were turned a couple of times by the ever-increasingly confident Athletic.
And so it was that the pressure led to a penalty being conceded for the second game in succession, this time Kevlar the offending player as the ball struck his arm as he reached for the stars like SClub7 inside the box.
Dunno what I was thinking there like!
Balham’s gobshite striker duly dispatched the pen, which at least shut him up for a minute or so.
0-1
The game opened up a bit after this and there were chances at both ends, Good Ash making one standout save from and somehow getting a goal kick from it too!
By this time, the Balham Boys were becoming increasingly frustrated with the ref’s performance, culminating in one of their number shouting “YOU’RE FUCKING SHIT, YOU’RE FUCKING SHIT!” an inch from the ref’s face.
Pleasant.
Their frustrations were almost made worse as, with time running out, Spracks hit a wickedly deflected shot and the keeper could only parry to Phil, who popped it in from a yard only to be denied by the offside flag.
Phil wasn’t to be denied, however, and just a minute later, a mirror image with the keeper spilling the shot the other way and hearts were in mouths as Phil tucked home the loose ball from six inches!
FT 1-1 and one game to go on this fine Sunday morning.
Putney Pacers 