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Pacers 1 – 2 Kew Antigua Reserves

By Alex

Due to the backlog of postponed matches and fitting games in where we could, this fixture fell on a week that the Pacers didn’t have a pitch permit, thus denying them home advantage over Kew Antigua.

Ten brave warriors stormed through the mist and biting chill to Garratt Park, Wandsworth, south of the Thames.

While it was declared battle would be even, the ten men of Kew became eleven after less than a minute.

Pacers knew the task ahead would require resolve and endurance.

A bright start from the Putney outfit saw early pressure on the Kew back line, some marauding runs from the gallant left back Ben, hold up play from a Zamora-like (no offence) Lewis, and a neat one two between captain Alex and the aforementioned Duke of Hanneybaum summed up Pacers’ false dawn.

The wind began to change and Pacers could feel themselves under the cosh, but some fine goalkeeping, solid defending and vocal direction from Sir Paul of Sprackling held off the threat of Kew.

Midway through, horns locked, opposing sides at a deadlock.

A quick retreat and some battle cries later and the Pacers were back on and a lofted Lewis thunderbolt outwitted the Kew shot stopper. 1-0 Putney.

Kew had been stirred and responded almost instantaneously when a defensive mix up was punished by their forward marksman. 1-1.

Ten minutes of to-ing and fro-ing ensued, Pacers were tiring.

“I can’t go on” whimpered a young soldier from the Teesside battalion, “it’s too cold, we’re outnumbered”…

…”then we shall even this fight out!” yelled the Calvary in the form of British skier Ed-Drake, fresh from ankle surgery, strolling in from the horizon, blonde locks a-flowing.

Enter Ed, and Pacers up to full quota.

His first touch was to calmly tap out into touch, Six Nations style, and calm the troops.

The resulting throw on led to an alleged hand ball from Hanneybaum, one of 8 or 9 that the Anglo-Italian ref decided to award, and a dubious penalty to Kew.

With a delay to the penalty due to the enormous spot, the frontman kept his cool and spotted home past a brave and unbroken Phil.

Pacers, deflated and not believing their luck, dug in, chipped away and worked.

The back line, heralded by Baron Burgess, stood their ground; Prince Evans used his pre-match Nero potion and linked up nicely with Sprackling down the right, all gave their all, but, as limbs tired, one by one huge Pacers were slain.

Then as they lay, a pile of bloody corpses, a whistle was heard in the distance and a messenger arrived on horseback – “narrow victory for Kew, but take heed Pacers young and old, for Sunday beckons, 6 points up for grabs with home comforts against Balham athletic!”