Putney Pacers
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Jordan Leveridge
White Van Man Jordan returned from his recent loan spell in South America with nothing more than altitude sickness and VD.
Big centre forward a-la Brian Deane, Katie Price finished top scorer in 2010/2011, and also bagged goal of the season with a sublimely ridiculous 30 yard header.
Jordan was also credited with inventing the new sport of ‘Extreme Shitting’ on The Pacers’ recent tour of Biarritz.
Bear Grylls would have been proud, as he vaulted the cliff wall, clung onto a tree and sprayed his innards all over the Basque Country!
Loves a reacharound, pablos espanol muy bueno, hasn’t scored since February.
To quote the oppo “Your number 9′s got a MASSIVE head!”
Standard stuff really
Matt Noonan
Ex-Manager Matt hung up his sheepskin this season in order to prolong his playing career.
A versatile player, he likes the ball at his feet either in a holding midfield role or at the back.
He has also been known to don the goalie gloves in emergency situations, with varying results!
He will go down in history for making the most baffling decision since Graham Taylor substituted Gary Lineker for Carlton Palmer…
Namely, introducing a clumping centre half in the dying minutes of the Margaret Grey cup final leaving ‘dynamic’ centre-forward Kevlar on the bench.
We lost the game.
A Pacer Legend on and off the pitch, Matt is the Pacer most likely to be voted ‘linesman of the season’ by the West Fulham League.
Impeccable flagging, Noonan.
Offside!
Average Ratings : Top 5
Wow! Exciting times at Pacer HQ as your ratings from pre-season and the first 2 league games were plugged into the Pacer-rater-on-atron-er (aka excel) and combobulated into a salmon-pink tabular fantastic, erm, table.
To save Jordan’s embarrassment at being bottom of the table, only the top 5 will be publicly revealed, management says that if you’re not in there, this should give you something to aim for, and you should pick up your performances accordingly!
So, without further ado…
Top 5 (or 7!) Congratulations Alex. Everyone else, try harder you shower of sh...!
Putney Athletic Res V Putney Pacers : Match Report
By Curtis Wingren
A familiar Pacers 11 took to the field against a Puntey Athletic Reserves team that contained a few of the pikey scum bags that appeared the previous year, for their 1st team.
The Pacer team, being historically slow starters, and coupled with an earlier kick off time of 10am led to the athletic applying the early pressure.. and although no early clear-cut chances it would be fair to say they had the majority of the possession and territory.
It wasnt long before athletic went 1-0 up.. a miscommunication between defence and goalkeeper ( some say maxi was staking a claim to play further up the field) but a simple pass back turned into a perfectly weighted lob. keeper stranded in no mans land.
To be fair, nobody would have blamed you for celebrating that one Max.
Pacers fought back, Ashley dispossessing the athletic on the left side of the field.. an opportunistic through ball well rundown by Evans, led to a Pacers penalty.. dispatched by Allarakhia. 1-1.
The height of the opposition posed a problem for the Pacers, particularly at set pieces, when Athletic fired back almost instantly .. unmarked in the box, a simple header from a corner.
Pacers went close after this when a Gale corner found Wingren unmarked only to see his header rattle off the woodwork.
A minor re-shuffle at half time saw Chris Norfield make way for Adam Jukes, and Noonan take the field in place of Evans, with Ash moving to his more favoured role of striker (even less reason to pass).
This had an immediate impact on the game, with the Pacers keeping the ball a lot more and Hanney coming more into the game on the right-wing.
A neat move involving Noonan (obviously) led to Ash having a shot saved by the athletic keeper.. a mad scramble ensued with Wingren hitting the post. Score remained 2-1 to the Athletic.
Pacers continued to press, and for much of the 2nd half looked the better team, but didn’t create the clear-cut opportunities to threaten the Athletic goal, two further goals by Athletic, BOTH from set pieces, meant the score ended 4-1.
A result that flattered the opposition but nevertheless, highlighted the lack of communication amongst the Pacers players both defensively and further up the field.
An area that must be addressed for us to top the table.
(There are some pics of the game in the Gallery)
Paul Sprackling
Paul, or ‘Spracks’ as he is affectionately known amongst Pacers, is the longest-serving Pacer and holds the record for most Pacer appearances.
He started playing in 1906 when the Pacers wore long shorts and kicked around a manky old haggis instead of a football.
Incredibly, in his 1,296 seasons wearing the Pacer blue, Spracks has amassed an incredible 5 (vidiprinter…Five) goals! (although, the archives were lost in the great fire of london, so this total may not be 100% accurate.)
Spracks is a classy, ball-playing midfielder or defender and a legend in Ladies Shoes.
He will lay down his life on the line for the Pacer cause, just don’t ask to borrow his Jimmy Choos, he’ll go fucking mental.
Jimmy Choo
Ashley Allarakhia
Manager, goalscoring midfielder or centre forward, Ash is unique among Pacers in that he perfers to control the ball off his knees a-la Paulo Wanchope, strange.
Once rumoured to have passed the ball to a team-mate, he is the only player who can beat a man whilst giggling like a girl at the same time.
Ash is consistently at the top of the scoring charts and always causes the opposition problems.
Ash is also a master of the French tongue, as long as you want to order Cider or a Margharita, stick with him and you’ll be fine.
Plays guitar with what can only be described as a ‘Mong Face’, such are the demands of all 4 chords of Kelly Clarkson’s ‘Since You Been Gone’.
If you read about an accident on the A3 in the South London Press, it’s a safe bet that the Pacers have been playing at Wimbledon Common extensions and Ash was up front! Seriously Ash, those trees are massive, how did you manage it!?
A very feminine man indeed.
Ash's weekend attire
Player Profiles
Guys,
Today marks the start of a month of superspam in the form of Putney Pacer Player Profiles.
Every day will see a different Pacer featured on the site, newbies included.
If you have ANY dirt or funny stories about anyone which you would like to share, please email Kev, as I am compiling the Profiles now. Pics are especially sought after please.
First up, later today, your ‘Manager’, Mr Ashley Allarakhia…..
Pacers Autumn Social – 7th Oct
Guys,
Quick reminder about the Pacer Autumn Social which will take place on FRIDAY 7th OCTOBER.
So far we have 14 confirmed attendees, not a bad turn out but still plenty of you yet to reply (use the form at the bottom of the homepage). The more the merrier so please try to make it if you can (but let me know, I have booked an area and can increase the size).
A few more details those of you with inquisitive little minds…
The planned Premier Pacer Ping Pong Power Premiership has unfortunately been postponed due to the refurbishment of London Bridge Station, but a new and equally sportstastic event will take it’s place.
All that I can tell you at the moment is that the location is SHOREDITCH, and the cost will be less than a tenner which will include some food and drink.
The venue have confirmed that they will be showing the England Match as well, so it’s happy days there.
The rest is top secret at the moment (I don’t want you all to die of excitement!)
Get Replying if you haven’t done so!
Kev
So far we have:
Ash
Tim F
Kev D
Maxi
Nick E
Nick K
Laurin
Tim R
Mark H
Noonan
Ross
Ben
Jord
Kev
Match Report: Pacers 4 – 1 Ronin Wanderers
The Pacers cruised to a 4-1 win against 10 man Ronin Wanderers yesterday, but it could, and should, have been more.
The visitors troubles began before kick-off, failing to muster 11 men for this season’s opening fixture.
Early exchanges saw the Pacers take control of the game and peg back the oppo in their own half, without creating any real chances.
A few Pacers were guilty of losing the ball early doors, such as Kevlar overrunning it straight to the oppo’s fatty right back, who recieved a crunching tackle and subsequent limp for his troubles! Well worth it i’d say.
The deadlock was broken after around 10 mins as a Pacers corner was cleared to Nathan, who hit a superbly controlled volley from 20 odd yards, right into the top left corner of the net. I doubt you’ll see a better goal all season.
The lead didn’t last long however, an oppo midfielder was given too much time straight from the restart and he sent a speculative punt from 30 yards that seemed to mesmerise Alessio in the Pacer nets and float into the top of the goal. 1-1.
A period of wide open football followed during which the Pacers twice had to clear off the line, and some wayward shooting from distance never really troubled the oppo keeper.
Alessio also made a fine save during this period, diving full length to his right and then shouting Italian obscenities at nobody in particular! Excellent entertainment!
Pacers got it together again towards the end of the first half, and a second goal came from another Pacers corner. The ball was floated in to the near post and flicked on, first by Jordan, then by Kevlar, and Chris Evans was on hand to finish from close range at the back post.
2-1 became 3-1 with the last kick of the first half, Alex was set away down the right, he beat the inept left back with ease and drove into the box. Looking across, he saw Jordan unmarked in the centre and unselfishly …slammed it home at the near post! He’s seen your recent form, Jord!
HT 3-1.
The second half saw The Pacers dominate large periods, especially after the oppo went down to 9 as one of their midfielders was fouled by a hole.
Some good work down the wings by Alex and Chris N wasn’t really capitalised on as chances were missed by Evans and Jordan, who became increasingly frustrated at his teammates and mainly himself.
At the back, Maxi and Nick Earl had the kettle on and were playing snap, just to try and keep warm, and Jez made an appearance at full-back in place of Nath and touched the ball at least once! Kevlar was busy doing Cantona-style flying kicks on fresh air and injuring himself in the process, 1-1 in that battle.
Alessio made another good save in the second half, then got his dressing gown and slippers out for the final period of the match.
The scoring was completed as Alex was picked out by Oli on the right. He collected the ball, calculated Pi to the 12,000th digit, invented a perpetual motion machine, learnt to speak Hutu and still had time to smash the ball straight at the keeper! Fortunately, the rebound came straight back to him, and he squared across goal for their defender to turn it into his own net, OG.
Pacers 4 – 1 Ronin Wanderers
MOM: Alex Kearns (official rating as calculated in the pub: 8.4)
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