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Spreading The Pacer Message

In order to spread the way of the Pacer across our fine capital city, I thought we could run a campaign on the buses and offer up some pearls of wisdom from within the Pacer squad.

Check out some of my ideas below, if you would like to add any, please let me know!

North Sheen Park 3-2 Pacers

A tight one at the YMCA leaves Pacers feeling sore.

By Kev Newton

A crisp morning down by the Thames brought January’s fixtures to a close, as The Pacers looked to redress the balance after a horror show against Artis.

A strong Pacer squad was in attendance on time and well warmed up, and with some motivational gems coming from senior players such as:
‘Newton, left-back – you’re no centre forward’ and ‘You should have had your touch sorted by the time you were fifteen’, what could possibly go wrong!?

Indeed, the Pacers were almost ahead within seconds as Jordan flicked on (the first of 2,394 he was to win throughout) and Popo ghosted in behind the defence to control and stab the ball just wide.

Seconds later, from a Sheen throw, Kevla swung an arm and accidentally elbowed the NSP number ten in the face, giving him a beautiful fat shiner, lovely stuff.

Some pressure followed as The Pacers struggled to clear their lines, and on 15 minutes an NSP corner found its way straight into the net at the near post, jammy.

The pressure continued and Alessio made two great saves, at one point feeling the need to chase the ball half way to Richmond and slide-tackle the arse out of it, strange!

The second goal came after The Pacers failed to clear their lines again, 30 mins, 2-0.

Before the third, Alex cleared off the line superbly, leading to some high-pitched wailing from the whiny little fuckers of NSP, claiming a goal.  Seriously, what is wrong with these people?

By this point the NSP number 9, Warwick Davies, was in full on Small Man Syndrome mode, and, being a shite footballer as well as a complete cuntmuscle, was busy fouling everyone and abusing the ref – embarrassing.

The third came from another corner as the number 10 peeled away to meet the outswinger and fire in a bullet header. He might have been my man, only a game though, innit?  3-0. 

Pacers had created little and were in need of a bit of grit at this point.

The last action of the half saw kevla play a 1-2 with Popo and skip past the NSP right-back, only to be cynically chopped down by Dopey the aforementioned Dwarf.  The ref awarded a free kick but the little scumbag couldn’t resist putting the boot in while on the floor…so I got up and tried to throttle the cunt!  Good fun.

From the resulting free-kick, Jordan flicked on to Alex who slammed home from 10 yards, 3-1 HT.

The second half started well and The Pacers got a bit more of a hold of the ball, carving out some half-chances and forcing plenty of corners and free-kicks from dangerous positions.

Ten minutes in this pressure paid off, kevla went up top for Nathan’s free-kick and, with his new streamlined profile, stood next to Noonan to evade detection. 

The NSP defence were stunned to see what they thought was an extra stripe on Noonan’s shirt peel off and rise unmarked to direct a header back across goal into the corner of the net.  Pearler.

“Not a centre-forward” indeed.  3-2.

From here the game was wide open, Pacers playing some good stuff and causing endless problems and NSP hitting on the break.

One such break saw Nathan execute a similar goal line clearance to Alex, showing pace to defy his years to get back after a cute lob by NSP’s 10.

Alessio found time to shout at his crossbar “Not twice, not twice!” after tipping over another corner which might have crept in.

Subs Evans and Oli came on, Oli upsetting Snow White’s mate with some typical Vincent Kompany challenging, and also sending first Evans away, his low, angled shot tipped away for a corner by the NSP keeper, then kevla, whose cross was pounced upon, also by the keeper, who had a good game all round.

Down the other end, the NSP 10 was sent clear but denied by a double challenge from Alessio and Kevla, it was an absolute car-crash that left him battered and limping to the whistle.

FT 3-2

Some good stuff, a good battle and a spirited fight back from The Pacers who once again just couldn’t find that equaliser.

Ronin Wanderers 0 – 7 Putney Pacers

By Popo

Pacers put Ronin to the Sword

A picturesque, sunny morning in South West London quickly turned into a bloodbath as the Pacers slaughtered the Ronin Wanderers in brutal fashion on Sunday.

After a delayed start due to a frozen pitch the Pacers dominated from the off for pretty much the whole of the 90 minutes, somehow managing not to display 3 of their trademark characteristics in a single game!

1.     Not playing sh*te following a good performance the week before

2.     Not playing sh*te against sh*te opposition

3.     Not conceding a goal

Within minutes the Pacers were slicing through the Ronin with consummate ease and peppering the opposition goal. After 15 mins or so the ball dropped out nicely out to Nath on the edge of the box and he hammered in a low shot that the Ronin keeper did well to save – only to see Kev Drake fire the rebound past him. 1-0.

The Pacers kept up the pressure and two goals quickly followed with good work and crosses from Laurin on the left resulting in 2 clear chances for Spracks and then Nick Kearns (I think?) who both finished well. 3-0 with less than 30 minutes on the clock and with the Ronin  looking about capable of scoring as Ash in a cup final!

Unfortunately next due to Jordan turning up late, Laurin hadn’t got his usual deep tissue thigh and groin massage and Laurin pulled up with a muscle strain. Then after running around all excited at the possibility of getting off the bench early Kev Newton got to watch Popo enter the action instead!

Definitely the right managerial decision by Nath as after 2 mins on the pitch, Popo ghosted into the box and with his first touch nicked the ball away from two surprised defenders before hammering the ball into the net on his right foot (yes you read that correctly – RIGHT foot). 4-0 and the Pacer’s were cruising.

In the second half, the opposition came out more determined and threw on their subs including a Japanese winger who was strangely  far and away their best player. He caused a few moments of panic as the Pacers struggled with their shape for 10 mins or so and at one point he picked out their right winger in space for Ronin’s best chance of the game – however the fiercely struck volley was easily saved by Noonan. That proved a wake-up call and soon the Pacers were dominating again, forcing a free kick just outside the box which Jordan flicked in nicely with his head. 5-0.

Soon afterwards after breaking up a Ronin attack Nick Earl hoofed the ball forward/threaded a perfect through ball (take your pick!) to Jordan upfront who beat the offside trap to leave him in 1 on 1 with the keeper. Bang 6-0.

Next Spracks playing in the middle for a change picked up the ball in centre of park pushed out a slide rule pass out to the left for Ben to run onto. For once in instead of airshot, a first time Beckham-eqsue cross was whipped in right into the danger zone. Alex won the battle with the keeper and 2 defenders in the air and ball dropped nicely for Tim Rea to hammer in 7-0. Game over!

Well almost! There was still time for a near – goal of the season contender from Kev N and Popo down the left. Overlapping, Kev stormed down the left and was picked out by Popo drawing 2 defenders with him. Kev flicked it inside and continued his run on a arc towards the box. Popo then floated a first time peach of a ball around the last defender on his right foot (I know!!!) leaving the defender on his arse and the ball perfectly in Kev’s stride who drove on into the box – unfortunately Kev’s drilled in cross didn’t quite sit-up for Jordan to hammer home and the Ronin managed to scramble it clear… so close!

But all in all a great performance from the whole squad, with this and last week’s performances the league title may actually be on!
 
—-

Next Pacer Do – Penalty Shots

Kev Drake – Receiving and actually answering a phone call from his girlfriend at halftime and asking to be subbed!

Tim Rea – Offering a Ollie and Ben a lift home to Clapham Junction and instead dropping them off 70 minutes later 10 mins away from Battersea Park train station after being taken on an open bus tour of Central London only to find out the next train south was another 25 mins wait – cheers mate! J

Pacers 4 – 4 Putney Athletic (4-5 AET)

Whoever said the cup has lost its magic certainly didn’t take a trip down to South Park yesterday morning.

The two Putney sides served up a feast of football in front of a bumper crowd – the Athletic entourage getting stuck into a couple of hefty-sized spliffs for most of the match!

The opening exchanges were fairly even, neither side getting a hold on the ball or creating any meaningful chances for the first 10 minutes.

Athletic broke the deadlock after 15 minutes, the loose ball rammed home from 8 yards after a bit of head tennis in the area.

Pacers heads didn’t drop, however, as they launched a sustained period of attack and bombarded the Athletic goal for 25 minutes.

The move of the half saw Nick E send Ash away down the left, Ash then ripped the right back a new one before floating a delightful cross in towards Jordan. The big man deftly chested down for Ben to volley home and level the match at 1-1.*

*I made that last bit up, Popo’s right foot let him down at the last and the keeper made a good save from his miss-hit shot.

Still, the pressure continued and Athletic’s keeper made 2 more good saves, including one from a point-blank header by Ash after a Nick K Delap-special throw in.

Ben also had another chance but redemption seemed a long way off as his back-post volley flew just wide.

Somehow, Athletic then went down the other end and scored 2 more goals before half-time. One good long-range effort and another from a penalty-box scrap, unbelievable.

HT 0-3

Ash’s stirring half-time team talk, lip quivering and spit flying, certainly had the desired effect.

The second half again started with Pacer pressure, and this time they made it pay. A Nick K cross and heavy pressure from Jordan saw the centre-back divert into his own net, although the goals panel have apparently awarded the goal to Jordan’s eyebrow, 1-3.

Soon after, dithering in the Athletic defence saw Ash rob the ball from a defender and advance towards goal. The covering player was taken out of play with the subtlest drop of a shoulder (think Messi in Wellington boots) and Ash dispatched left-footed into the bottom corner from 18 yards, 2-3.

Now it was on like wonton.

The equaliser came from another excellent free-kick delivered from the back (Nick and especially Nath delivering these with unerring accuracy all day). The ball was flicked on to Ash, who nodded down for Nick K to stab home from close range. Pacers were buzzing at 3-3.

Keep reading – the best was yet to come.

Jordan, just inside his own half, picked up the ball and picked out the run of Ash down the right with a floaty through ball that was straight out of the triangle button on FIFA10. Ash touched it down with his shoulder and finished superbly past the advancing keeper.

At one point I thought that The Pacers had signed Barry Robson and Marvin Emnes, it really was that good, 4-3!

Desperate, Athletic brought on their gaffer-sub and would you know it, his first touch of the ball is to prod home unmarked at the back post after a good cross from the left.

There was still time for The Pacers to carve out a few more chances, the best of which came when Jordan’s shot was parried by the keeper to Nick K, 6 yards out with a gaping net…

Inexplicably, Nick decided that the ball was a physical representation of all his childhood torment and repressions, coupled with the souls of all his ex-girlfriends, Adolf Hitler, General Pinochet, Colonel Gadaffi and Sol Campbell.

The resultant shot was so powerful, and its trajectory so high, that it landed in The Thames and caused a tsunami in the low countries. RIP Belgium.

FT, 4-4.

Extra-time saw cramp aplenty (from the oppo) and the game get a little scrappy once again.

Athletic scored what would be the eventual winner, a soft penalty after Laurin got a little too hands-on with his man (oo-er missus).

Xt HT 4-5.

A change was made and Kevlar came on to replace Ben. Ash made the decision with 10 to go to throw me up front, sensing that a hero was what this game needed.

However, as Mick Jagger said: “You can’t always get what you want.”

Ash didn’t.

A couple of good runs into the box saw ash pull the ball back for a sublime swing-and-a-miss at the near post, and then a floated ball to the back post, just over Jordan’s head, saw a glanced header slide inches wide.

Head in hands, the game was gone.

FT 4-5 AET.

An epic game which we fully deserved to win. Noonan in our goal had very little to do throughout, and had we taken a few of the many, many chances we would have got what we deserved.

Man Of The Match – Jordan, a tireless performance, assists galore and a goal for his eyebrow.